Only pass comment on what is good

Some people are over-zealously in making observations and passing comments.  They do not seem to ever stop praising or being complimentary.  However, as the old saying goes, "When something transgresses the limits, it becomes its opposite", or whoever hurries for something before its due time, is often punished by being deprived thereof.

Do praise things that are beautiful and charming things over which a person feels happy when they are noticed, where he expects admiration and is moved upon hearing words of praise. As for things that people usually feel embarrassed about, or feel mortified upon noticing, then close your eyes to those. Dear brother, he did not ask you for your advice. You are not a professional decorator whose advice should be sought. When the guest finished eating, he said, "Praise be to Allah who fed us, quenched our thirst and made us content with what He has given us. 'For example: - You enter your friend's house and notice that the chairs are very old.  Be careful that you do not become an irritating person who cannot cease to offer his unwanted advice. Be careful and do not let your tongue slip by saying: "Why don't you buy new chairs? Half of the chandelier is not functional.  Why don't you buy a new one? The paint on your wall is peeling! Why don't you paint the wall?"

Remain silent. Perhaps he is not able to change the decoration.

Perhaps he is financially restricted, and so on. None is more awkward than a man who embarrasses people by noticing things that humiliate him, and then rouses the topic and begins to pass comments. Similarly, if his garments were old, or his car AC was not working, then either speak well, or remain silent. They say that a man once visited his friend.  His friend, being the host, gave him bread to eat with oil. The guest then said, "If only there was thyme with the bread!" The host then went to his family and asked for some thyme, but found out that they had none.  He then went out to buy some, but he did not have enough money. The shop keeper refused to sell it to him on credit.  Thus, he came back home, took his utensil with which he made ablution and gave it to the shop keeper as a deposit, so that in case he was not able to pay for the thyme, the shop keeper could always sell the utensil to recover his money.  He then took the thyme and returned to the guest and gave it to him.

The host, upon hearing this, sighed in pain and said, "If Allah really had made you content with what He has given you, and then my ablution utensil would not have been given as a security!" Similarly, if you were to visit a patient, do not say to him, "Oh! Your face has gone yellow! Your eyes seem to be wandering! Your skin is dry!" How strange! Are you! His doctor? Speak well, or remain silent.It is said that a man once visited a patient and sat next to him for a while.  He then asked him as to what was ailing him. The patient told him what is wrong with him, and that his illness was serious. The visitors, upon hearing this, screamed and said: "Oh no! So and so, a friend of mine had the same illness and he died because of it! My brother's friend also caught this disease, and he remained bed ridden until he died! My brother in law's neighbor also caught this disease and died:' All the while, the patient listening to this was about to explode! Formerly, when the visitor finished what he had to say and decided to leave, he turned to the patient and said, "By the way, do you advise me with anything?" The patient said, "Yes! When you finally leave, do not bother ever coming back to me!" If you visit a patient, then do not mention death to him. It is also said that once an old woman's friend, who was another old woman, fell ill.  The old woman would ask her sons, one by one, to take her to her ill friend for a visit, but they would continue to make excuses, until one of the sons finally agreed to take her. So he took her in his car. When they arrived at the house, the old woman got out of the car while the son waited. 

The old woman then visited her friend to find that she was completely be set by her illness. She greeted her and prayed for her.

When she began to leave, she walked for a while in the lobby with her friend's weeping daughters, and said, innocently, "Unfortunately, I can’t come to you whenever I want. Your mother severely ill and it seems that she will die.” So let me say to you now ‘May Allah grants you all an appropriate patience to her death. ’Hence, be careful, O intelligent person! Only pass comment on things that are a source of joy, and not depressing.

A problem, If you were ever forced to comment on something bad, such as dirt on a garment, or a bad odor, then do so tactfully. Be clever and kind while doing so.

The Red Lines

It's about one of my students was very well read and always keen to form relationships with others. However, he was also very unpleasant.

He came to me one day and said, "Dear teacher, my colleagues never like me. They cannot bear my sense of humour:'

I said to myself, "I cannot bear you when you are silent, so how could I when you speak? Moreover, how terrible are you when you try to be lighthearted and joke?"

I asked him, "Why are they unable to bear your jokes? Give me an example of a joke of yours. "

He said, "Once, one of them sneezed, so I said, 'May Allah curse you..... and remained silent....' When he became angry I completed my sentence, '..... lblis! And may Allah have mercy on you, 0 son of and so!"'

How unpleasant this joke was, I thought.

Poor man, he thought he was being pleasant and lighthearted by making such jokes!

No matter how much people tolerate your humour and wit, there are always redlines that they would never like you to cross, especially in front of others.  However, some people do not give any consideration to this and often transgress others' sensitivities. For instance, some people would take your mobile phone and start phoning whoever they like. Others may use it to send text messages to people whom you do not wish to have your number. One of them may drive your car without your permission, or embarrass you by persistently asking for it until you give in unwillingly. You may find a group of students living in a flat and one of them wakes up to go to the university, he finds that so and so has already left with his coat, and so and so has left with his shoes!

Examples of crossing this red line includes finding some people embarrassing their friends by their unpleasant sense of humour or by asking awkward questions in public.  A person, no matter how much he loves you, will always remain a human being who will be happy at times and angry at others.

When the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam was on his way back to Madinah from Tabuk, there came to him in that same month 'Urwah bin Mas'ud al Thaqafi.  He was a well respected leader and of a noble status am6ng his tribe of Thaqaf.  He met with the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam before he reached Madinah and embraced Islam.  He suggested to the Pro het that he should go back to his people and call them to Islam. The Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam feared for his wellbeing and said, "They will fight you:' The Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam knew that the Thaqaf tribe was zealously averse to Islam and extremely stern in their dealings, even with their leaders.

'Urwah replied, "0 Messenger of Allah, 1 am more beloved to them than their virgin daughters. " He was, indeed very much beloved and obeyed by his people.  He went to his people to call them to Islam, hoping that they would not disobey him due to his noble status amongst them.

Upon reaching his people's dwellings, he . climbed up an elevated place and called out to them until they all gathered.  He called them to Islam and openly declared that he was a Muslim.  He began to repeat, "I bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship except Allah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. "

When the people heard this from him, they screamed and became angry about being called to abandon their gods.  They shot at him with arrows from all directions until he fell down.  Thereupon his nephews came to him as he wa breathing his last and said, "0 'Urwah! What do you say regarding the spilling of your blood?" Meaning; shall we avenge your blood by killing those who killed you?

He replied, "This is an honour Allah has bestowed unto me.  This is my martyrdom which Allah has brought to me.  My case is like the that of the martyrs who were killed in the company of the Messenger of Allah So do not kill anyone fore.  and do not avenge my blood from anyone. "

It is said that when this news reached the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam he said regarding him, "He was among his people like Yaseen among his people:'

Take notice! People have feelings.  No matter how close you get to them, do not be bold with them in your humour or dealings.  Avoid the red line.  Do not hurt them, no matter how high they hold you in regard, even if they be like your brothers or sons.

For this reason, the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam drew our attention to this and forbade us from frightening a believer. One day the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam was on a journey with his companions. Each one of the Companions had with him his belongings including weapons, sleeping

mats and food. They stopped over at a place and a man amongst them fell asleep.  His friend turned to a rope he had and took it jokingly. When the man woke up and found the rope missing from his belongings, he was terrified and began looking for it. Thereupon the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam said,"It is not allowed for a Muslim to frighten another Muslim:' (Abu Dawud)

On another occasion, when the Companions were travelling with the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam a man was overcome by slumber whilst mounted on his ride.  His friend took advantage of his negligence and took out an arrow from his quiver.  The man realised that someone was playing with his weapons, so he became terrified, frightened and alert.  Thereupon the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam said,"It is not allowed for a Muslims to frighten another Muslim. " (alTabarani and 0thers, reportedby reliable narrators).

'Similar is the case with someone who jokes with you thinking that you will be happy, whereas in reality, he only harms you, or even worse, fills your heart with fright and anxiety.  For instance, he notices that you have just parked your car outside a grocery with the engine running, so he comes and drives off in your car; causing you to.  think that your car has been stolen obviously as a joke.  The one on the receiving end of such jokes may respond courteously and may even laugh at the joke, but the fact remains that the joke was still cruel.

A point of view: Whatever goes beyond its limits turns into its opposite. How often jokes turn into arguments!.