Showing posts with label soft speaking. Show all posts
Showing posts with label soft speaking. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Do not interfere in matters that do not concern you

From the excellence of one's Islamic to leave that which does not concern him."

How beautiful is this expression, especially if you were to hear it from, the righteous and pure mouth of the Messenger of Allah. May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him! Yes, to leave that which does not concern him!

How many number of people who bother you by interfering a matters that do not concern them?  They bother you when they see your watch, "How much did you buy this for?"

You reply, "This was given to me as a gift" Then they would say, "A gift? From whom?"

You reply, "From a friend. "

He would continue, "Your friend from the university? Or your locality? Or elsewhere?"

You reply, "Well, a friend of mine from the university."

He keeps pressing, "Okay, but what was the occasion?"

You respond, "Well, an occasion, from our university days. "

He then says, "Yes, but what occasion in particular? Gradua­tion? Or when you went on a trip? Or something else?"

He would continue to ask you questions about an utterly worthless matter!

I ask you, by Allah, Wouldn't you feel like shouting at him, saying, "Do not interfere in that which does not concern you!'

And even worse is if he were to put you in an awkward situation by asking you an embarrassing question in public!

I remember, once I was in a gathering with a group of my friends. After the Maghrib prayer, one of my friends mobile phone rang. He was sitting next to me.

He answered the phone,"Yes?"

His wife shouted on the phone, "Hello! Where are you, you donkey?"

Her voice was so loud that I could hear their conversation well.

He said, "I am fine, May Allah protect you'

It seemed as though he had promised her to take her to her family, but became busy with us.

His wife became really angry and said, "May Allah not protect you! You are quite happy to be with your friends all the while I wait for you.

By Allah, You Are a Bull!"

He said, "May Allah be pleased with you. I will come to you after 'lshaa"

I realized that his speech did not exactly correspond to hers. There after I realized that he was speaking in this manner in order to save him self from embarrassment.
He then finished his call. I began to look at those present, thinking to myself that one of them will ask him, "Who was that on the phone? What does he want from you? Why did your face change after the conversation?" But Allah had mercy on him; No one interfered in a matter which did not concern them.

Likewise, If you were to visit a patient and ask him about his illness, and he were to reply vaguely, "Alhamdulillah, nothing ma­jor, just minor illness", and such expressions that do not explicitly answer the question, Do not embarrass him by persisting on asking detailed questions, such as, "I am sorry, but what exactly is the illness.

Please clarify what you said" and so on. Why the need to embarrass him?
From excellence of one's Islam is to leave that which does not concern him. I mean, are you really waiting for him to tell you, "I have hemorrhoids", or "I have an injury, in an embarrassing place", etc?

As long as he gave you a vague response, there is no need to ask him for details. I do not mean that he should not question the patient about his illness. What I mean is that one should not ask detailed questions about another illness.

Another example of this is a person who called out to a student in front of all the people in a public gathering, and asked in a loud voice, "Hey! Ahmad! Did you pass?"

Ahmad said, "Yes'

He asked, What percentage? What grade?"

If he truly cared for him, he would have asked him when he was alone. There was also no need to go into details by asking "What percentage? Why didn't you revise? Why weren't you accepted in the university?"

If he was really ready to help him, then he could have taken him to the side and spoken to him about whatever, he liked. But as for displaying his dirty laundry in public, then that certainly was not genuine!

The Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam said,"From the excellence of one's Islam is to leave that which does not concern him. "

"However, be careful. Do not make a matter larger than it is."

Once I was traveling to Madinah and was busy delivering a number of lectures. So I agreed with a kind young man to take my two sons, 'Abd ar Rahman and Ibrahim, after 'Asr, to their Qur'an memorization circles, or some summer amusement center, and to return with them after 'lsha.
'Abd ar Rahman was ten years old. I feared that that young man may ask him some useless questions, such as, "What is your mother's name? Where is your house? How many brothers do you have? How much pocket money does your father give you?'

So I warned 'Abd ar Rahman and said, "If he were to ask you an inappropriate question, just say to him that the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam said, 'From the excellence of one's Islamic to leave that which does not concern him. "'

I repeated to him the Hadith until he had memorised it.

'Abd ar Rahman and his brother then sat in the car with this young man. 'Abd ar Rahman was at the time both very tense and respectful.

The young man said out of kindness,"May Allah prolong your life, 0 'Abd ar Rahman!"

Abd ar Rahman replied, "May Allah prolong your life, too!"

The poor young man wanted to lighten up the atmosphere a bit, so he said, "Is the Shaykh delivering any lecture today?"

'Abd ar Rahman tried to remember the Hadith, but his memory did not help him, so he yelled, "Do not interfere in things that do not concern you!"

The young man said, "I mean, I would just like to attend his lecture and benefit."

'Abd ar Rahman then thought that he was trying to be clever, so he repeated the same response,'

"Do not interfere in things that do not concern you."

The young man then said, "I am sorry, Abd ar Rahman.  But what I mean is... ",

But 'Abd ar Rahman again shouted, "NO! Do not interfere in that which does not concern you!"

They remained on these terms until I returned.

Abd ar Rahman then informed me of the entire story with pride, so I laughed and had to explain the concept to him once again.

Do not interfere in matters that do not concern you

Struggling against yourself to free yourself from interfering in other ' affairs is exhausting in the beginning, but easy in the end.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Good Manners

Good Manner

A Believer worships Allah by being well mannered and dealing pleasantly with all, so that Allah may love him and make him beloved to his creation. Whoever considers exercising good manners as worship will deal courteously with everyone, be the rich or poor, a manager or a tea boy.
If one day a poor cleaner on the street stretches out his hand for you to shake it, and another day a director of some company stretches his hand out in the same way, will you treat them equally?
Will you welcome them both and smile at them equally?
The Prophet (PBUH) will certainly treat them both equally in terms of welcoming them and showing them sincere conduct and compassion.
Who knows, perhaps the one you may belittle and look down upon might actually be better in Allah’s sight than he who you look up and show honor and respect.

Quran (68:4) “and you(Prophet- PBUH) are certainly on the most exalted standard of moral excellence.”
Here, this sentence gives two meanings: (1) "That you stand exalted to a high and noble character; that is why you are enduring all these hardships in your mission of guiding the people to the Right Way, otherwise a man of weak character could not have done so;" and (2) "that besides the Qur'an, your high and noble character also is a clear proof that the accusation of madness that the disbelievers bring against you is absolutely false, for high morals and madness cannot co-exist in one and the same person. " A madman is he whose balance of mind is upset, who has lost his temperamental equilibrium. Contrary to this, the high morals of a person testify that he is a right-minded and sound-natured person, who possesses perfect temperamental equilibrium. The people of Makkah were not unaware of the morals and character possessed by the Holy Messenger of AIIah. Therefore, it was enough just to make a reference to them so that every reasonable man of Makkah was made to think how shameless were those people who were calling a man of such sublime morals and character a madman. Their absurd conduct was not at all harmful for the Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) but for themselves, for maddened in their craze for opposition they were saying such a thing about him which could not be regarded as credible by any man of understanding. The same also is the case with those men of knowledge and scholarship, who in the modern time are accusing the Holy prophet (upon whom be peace) of having fits of madness and epilepsy. The Qur'an is available everywhere in the world and the Holy Prophet's life also exists in the written form in entire detail. Every person can see it for himself what a foolish and meaningless thing is being uttered in their blind enmity by those who regard the man who brought this unique and matchless Book and who possessed such sublime morals and character as a mentally deranged person. The best description of the Holy Prophet's character has been given by Hadrat 'A'ishah in her statement: Kana khuluqu-hul-Qur an: the Qur'an was his character." Imam Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Da'ud. Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Darimi and Ibn Jarir have cited, with a little variation in wording, this saying with several chains of transmitters. This means that the Holy Prophet had not merely presented the teaching of the Qur'an before the world but also given its practical demonstration by his personal example. Whatever was enjoined in the Qur'an was acted upon practically by himself in the first instance; whatever was forbidden in it was shunned and avoided by himself most of all. His own self was characterized most of all by the moral qualities which were declared as sublime by it, and his own self was most free from those qualities which were declared as abhorrent and reprehensible by it. In another tradition Hadrat 'A'ishah has stated: "The Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) never hit a servant, never raised his hand on a woman never used his hand to kill a person outside the battlefield, never avenged himself on anyone for an injury caused unless someone violated a sanctity enjoined by AIlah and he avenged it for the sake of Allah. His practice was that whenever he had to choose between two things, he would choose the easier one unless it was a sin; and if it was a sin he would keep away from it most of all" (Musnad Ahmad). Hadrat Anas says: "I served the Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) for ten years. He never did so much as express even a slight disgust over what I did or said: he never asked why I had done what I had done, and never inquired why I had not done what I had not done." (Bukhari, Muslim).

Quran (3:159) It was thanks to Allah's mercy that you were gentle to them. Had you been rough, hard-hearted, they would surely have scattered away from you. So pardon them, and pray for their forgiveness, and take counsel from them in matters of importance. And when you are resolved on a course of action places your trust in Allah; surely Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
(21:107) (O Muhammad!) We have sent you to be a real blessing for the people of the world.
This verse (107) can also be translated as: "We have sent you only as a blessing for the people of the world". In both cases it will mean that the appointment of the Holy Prophet is indeed a blessing and mercy of Allah to the whole world. This is because he aroused the neglectful world froth its heedlessness and gave it the knowledge of the criterion between truth and falsehood, and warned it very clearly of both the ways of salvation and. ruin. This fact has been stated here 'to tell the disbelievers of Makkah that they were quite wrong in their estimate of the Holy Prophet that he was an affliction and distress for them because they said, "This man has sown seeds of discard among our clans and separated near relatives from each other." They have been told here, "O foolish people, you are wrong to presume that he is an affliction for you; but he is in reality a blessing and mercy of Allah for you."

"Shall I not tell you who among you is the most beloved to me and will be closest to me on the Day of Resurrection?" He repeated it two or three times, and they said, 'Yes, O Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.).’ He said: "Those of you who are the best in attitude and character." (Reported by Ahmad and its Isnad is Jayyid) Some reports add: "Those who are down to earth and humble, who get along with others and with whom others feel comfortable."
One of the attributes of the believer is that he gets along with others and others feel comfortable with him. He likes people and they like him. If he is not like this, then he will not be able to convey the message or achieve anything of significance. Whoever is like that has no goodness in him, as in the Hadith:
"The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no goodness in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable.” (Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazar; the men of Ahmad's Isnad are Rijal as-Sahih)
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) set the highest example of good behaviour towards people. He was skilful in softening their hearts and called them to follow him in word and deed. He demonstrated how to reach people's hearts and win their love and admiration.
He was always cheerful and easy-going, never harsh. When he came to any gathering, he would sit wherever there was a free space, and he told others to do likewise. He treated everyone equally, so that no one who was present in a gathering would feel that anyone else was receiving preferential treatment. If anyone came to him and asked for something, he would give it to them, or at least respond with kind words. His good attitude extended to everyone and he was like a father to them. The people gathered around him were truly equal, distinguished only by their level of taqwa. They were humble, respecting their elders, showing compassion to young ones, giving priority to those in need and taking care of strangers.
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #271, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban.
...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286 and Ahmad
Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "
Hadith - At-Tabaraanee collected it, and Albani authenticated it in Silsilatul-AHaadeethis-Saheehah (#432).
The Prophet (saaws) said: "The most beloved of Allah's servants to Allah are those with the best manners."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 285, Hakim, and Abu Dawud
... Abu Huraira, r.a., said that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "If one has good manners, one may attain the same level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 290, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad
... Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners."