Improve yourself

 You sit with someone who is twenty years old and notice that he has particular etiquette's, logic and thought.  You then sit with him when he is thirty to discover that he is exactly the way he was ten years ago and has not improved at all.  Yet, you sit with others and you feel that they are actually taking benefit from their lives.  You discover that they improve themselves on a daily basis.  In fact, not an hour passes except that they improve either religiously or otherwise.  If you wish to ponder upon the different types of people with respect to self improvement, then think about the following:

There are those who like to watch those satellite television channels that help their general knowledge and intelligence grow.  They benefit from other people's experiences by watching constructive discussions, from which they learn the characteristics of debating and improve their language, understanding, and expertise in debate and persuasion.

Then there are those who cannot miss out on a series about a failed love story, or an emotional play, or a horror film, or films about useless fantasies with no link to reality at all.

Notice the difference between the two after five or ten years.  Which of the two would have improved the most in his skills and ability to fathom information, gain general knowledge, have the power to convince others, or successfully be able to cope with diverse situations? No doubt the first person! You will find the mannerisms of the first person to be completely different.

When he argues, he does so on the basis of legal references, facts and figures, while the second can only quote the words of actors and singers, so much so that one such person once said during a discussion, "Allah says: 'Strive, my servant, and 1 shall

strive with you!"

We informed him that this is not a verse from the Qur'an.  His complexion changed and he fell silent.  I then thought about the phrase and it occurred to me that it is an Egyptian idiom which was imprinted on his mind after watching a drama series!

Let's look at it from another angle that of reading newspapers and magazines.  How many people take an interest in reading beneficial news and information that helps them in developing their personality, improves their skills and increases their general knowledge? Yet, how many are those who cannot read except sports and entertainment news? This is true to such an extent that many newspapers compete with each other by increasing the sports and entertainment pages at the cost of other sections.  The same can be said about our gatherings and the things in which we spend our time.

Hence, if you would like to be a head instead of a tail, then eagerly try to practice all skills, regardless of what they may be.  'Abdullah was an energetic person but lacking in certain skills.  One day, he left his home to pray Dhuhr in the mosque.  It was his zeal for the prayer and respect for his religion which brought him out to pray.  He was walking fast in order to reach the mosque before the lqamah was given.  On his way, he passed by a date palm tree on top of which there was a man in uniform, working on the tree.  'Abdullah became surprised and thought, "Who is this man that does not care about the prayer! It is as if he didn't even hear the Adhan, or doesn't care about the lqamah, which is about to go!"

He shouted in anger, "Get down and pray!" The man responded coldly, "OK, OK. . :'

He said, again, "Hurry up and pray, you donkey!"

The man screamed, “You called me a donkey?!" He then took a branch of the tree and descended in order to hit him over the head with it! 'Abdullah hid his face with his headscarf so the man wouldn't recognise him and went on to the mosque.  The man descended from the tree in anger, went to his house, prayed and rested for a while.  He then returned to the tree to finish his job.  Then 'Asr time came and 'Abdullah went to the mosque again.  On his way he passed by the same tree and noticed the same man working.  He decided to change his method altogether and said, 'Assalamu 'alaykum! How are you?"

The man replied, "Alhamdulillah, I am fine!"

He said, "Give me some good news.  How are the dates this year?"

The man said,"AlHamdulillah. "

'Abdullah said, "May Allah give you success and provision, make your life easy for you, and not deprive you of the reward for your work!"

The man was overjoyed at hearing this supplication and said ameen to the prayer.

'Abdullah then said, "It seems that you are so preoccupied with work that perhaps you didn't notice the Adhan for 'Asr prayer.  The Adhan has been called and the lqamah is about to be given.  Perhaps you should get down, relax a little and get ready for prayer. After the prayer you can get on with your work again.  May Allah keep you healthy. "

The man said, "InshaAllah . . .  lnshaAllah . . . " and began to descend gently.

He then turned to 'Abdullah, shook his hand warmly and said, "I would like to thank you for your excellent manners.  As for the one who passed by me at Dhuhr time, I wish I could see him and show him who the real donkey is!"

The result. . .

Your skills of dealing with others determine how they deal with you. 

 

How to Win Heart

How to Win Peoples Heart

One of the most difficult things is winning the hearts. This journey starts with knowing a human being and understanding, then winning his heart. Really this is a big challenge. Very few people are able to achieve this art. Art of winning hearts is difficult art.

All people endeavor to specialize in techniques that are needed in order for them to excel in their fields of operation or work.

Winning hearts is also an art with its own ways and means.

Some-one successfully captures your heart, not with wealth, status, or lineage, but merely by his interpersonal skills. Hence, hearts are not won by force, wealth, beauty or status. They are won by much less of a sacrifice, yet few are able to win them.

Deal with the people so skillfully that they love you for who you are and what you say, and for your smile, gentleness and generosity. They will love the fact that you overlook their faults and stand by them at times of hardship. Do not allow their hearts to be attached merely to your status and your purse!

The one who provides his children and wife with wealth, food and drink only does not win their hearts by doing so, but only their stomachs! The one who showers his family with wealth while he mistreats them does not win their hearts; rather; he only wins their pockets. For this reason, do not be surprised if you see a young man who faces a problem and therefore complains to his friend, teacher, or the Imam of a mosque, but not to his own father. This would be because the father has failed to win over his heart and break down barriers. On the other hand, it is the teacher or the friend, who has managed to win his heart;

A believer worships Allah by being well-mannered and dealing pleasantly with all, not to attain status or wealth, or for people's praise, or to get married, etc., but only so that Allah may love him and make him beloved to His creation. Yes! Whoever considers exercising good manners as worship will deal courteously with everyone, be the rich or poor, a manager or a tea-boy. If one day a poor cleaner on the street stretches out his hand for you to shake it, and then another day a director of some company stretches his hand out in the same way, will you treat them equally? Will you welcome them both, and smile at them equally?

The Prophet (Peace Be upon Him) wouldcertainly treat them both equally in terms of welcoming them and showing them sincere conduct and compassion. Who knows, perhaps the one you may belittle and look down upon might actually be better in Allah's sight than he who you look up to and show honor and respect to. The Prophet PBUH said, "The most beloved of you to me, and the closest of you to me on the Day of Resurrection are the best of you in manners." (al-Tirmidhi, Sahih)

The Prophet PBUH also said to al-Ashaj bin 'Abd Qays, "You have two qualities that Allah and His Messenger love."What are these two qualities? Praying at night? Fasting all day? Al-Ashaj became overjoyed and said, "What are the two qualities, 0 Messenger of Allah?"

The Prophet PBUH said, "Forbearance and patience." (Ahmad and Muslim)

The Prophet PBUH was asked about piety, and he replied, "Piety is to show good manners:' (Muslim)

He PBUH was asked about the deed on account of which most will enter paradise, He PBUH said, "Fear of Allah and good manners." (al-Tirmidhi, Sahih)

The Prophet PBUH said, "The most complete in faith are those best in their character, those who are easy to socialize with, and those who get along with others and others get along with them. There is no good in the one who cannot get along with others and others cannot get along with him:' (al-Tirmidhi, Sahih)

The Prophet PBUH said, "there is nothing heavier in the scales than good manners:' (Abu Dawud, Sahih)

The Prophet PBUH said, "A person by his good character reaches the rank of the one praying at night and fasting all day." (alTirmidhi, Sahih)

The one who improves his character becomes successful in both worlds. Consider the incident of Umm Salamah - may Allah be pleased with her - when she sat with the Messenger of Allah PBUH and thought about the Hereafter and what Allah had promised her.

She said,"0 Messenger of Allah! A woman might be married twice in this world. When she and her husband’s die and they all enter paradise, who is she going to be with?"

What did he PBUH say in response? That she will be with the one who prayed the longest? Or the one who fasted the most? Or the most knowledgeable of them? No! Rather, he (PBUH) said, "she will be with the best of them in character?'

The one who improves his character becomes successful in both worlds.

As a matter of fact, Allah's words in his praise are something we will continue to recite until the Last Day, "And indeed, you (0 Muhammad Peace be Upon Him) are on an exalted standard of character!"

The Prophet's character in its entirety was the Qur'an. When he recited, "Be good, for Allah loves those who are good" he was good to the old and the young, the rich and the poor, the noble and the weak. When he heard Allah's words, "Forgive and overlook..." he forgave and overlooked. When he recited, "Speak well to the people..." he spoke well to all.

The Prophet PBUH was so eager to improve his character that he would pray to Allah,"0 Allah, just as you have beautified my physical being, beautify my character." (Ahmad, Sahih) He PBUH also would say,"0 Allah, guide me to the best of manners, for none guides to them except You. Protect me from bad manners, for none can protect me except You." (Muslim)

Purify your intention so that your interpersonal skills can turn into acts of worship, with which you can draw closer to Allah.

There are things which people unanimously love and appreciate, and things which they unanimously dislike. There are also things upon which they differ so while some may be appreciative of them, others Il) may find them cumbersome. Hence, everyone loves to be smiled at and hates to be frowned at, yet some may appreciate jokes whilst others may not. Some people may like others visiting them whilst others would rather be left alone may love to talk excessively whilst others may not. Often feel comfortable with those of the same nature as themselves.

On another occasion, the Prophet PBUH fought the Jews of Khaybar briefly and then made a peace agreement with them where he stipulated that they were not to hide any of their wealth, or conceal any gold and silver, and that they must present everything to him so he may decide what to do with it. He also warned them that if they were to hide anything, then they would have no agreement or pact..

Huyay bin Akhtab was one of their leaders who had returned from Madinah with a leather bag full of gold and jewelry and then passed away, leaving behind all his wealth, which the Jews concealed from the Messenger of Allah PBUH. The Prophet PBUH saidto the uncle of Huyay bin Akhtab, "What happened to what Huyay brought from Banu Nadheer (i.e., the leather bag )?"

He said, "It was all spent on expenses and wars." The Prophet ~ thought about what he said, and it occurred to him that Huyay had only died recently and that the wealth he had brought over was of a huge amount. Moreover, there had not occurred any war recently that it could have been spent on. The Prophet ~ said, "The wealth was only brought here recently, and it was too much to have been spent so quickly."

The Jewish man said, "The wealth and jewellery have all been spent." The Prophet PBUH realized .that the man was lying, so he looked at his companions, who were many in number, and each of them understood his message. The Prophet ss then turned to az-Zubayr bin al-'Awwam and said,"0 Zubayr, give him a taste of punishment."

As az-Zubayr began his approach the man was terrified. Knowing that his situation was grave, he said, "Well, I did see Huyay once going into this deserted place!" and pointed to an old abandoned house. The Muslims went into the house and found the wealth hidden therein. This is how the Prophet ~ was with az-Zubayr.

Yes, everyone has a special key to open his heart, earn his love and influence hlrn. We notice this often in our lives. Perhaps you have heard work colleagues say that if you want to get the manager to agree to something, then so-and-so is the key, or if you want anything, ask so-and-so to speak to him on your behalf. Why not then use your skills to open up people's hearts and be a head instead of being a tail? Yes, be special and look for the keys with which to open up the hearts of your mother, father, wife and children. Find the key to the heart of your manager at work and your colleagues. Knowing the keys to their hearts helps them accept good advice when it is offered, that is if the advice is presented in an appropriate manner, as people do not all react the same way when advised.

Once, the Prophet $ was sitting in a blessed gathering of his and speaking to his companions, meanwhile, a man entered the mosque, looking to his left and right. Then, instead of sitting in the Prophet's circle, he headed for a corner of the mosque and began to undo his lower garment. The people were left in suspense as to what he is going to do next. Then, to their horror, he raised his lower garment, sat down quite calmly and began to urinate!

The Companions were shocked and exploded upon seeing him urinate in the mosque. They were about to rush towards him, but the Prophet ~ asked them to stay seated and keep their calm; he said, "Do not interrupt him!" The Companions watched as he urinated and perhaps he wasn't even aware of them looking on! The Prophet ss, as he witnessed the scene - a man urinating in the mosque - continued to calm his Companions down.

How forbearing he was! When the Bedouin had finished and stood up to tie his garment around his waist, the Prophet ~ . called him gently. The Bedouin came and stood in front of the Prophet ~.The Prophet ~ said, "The mosques are not built for this purpose. They are only built for prayers and reading of the Qur'an."

This was end of his brief advice. The man understood the Prophet's words and left. When the time for prayer came, the Bedouin came and prayed along with them. The Prophet ~ initiated the prayer with his Companions by saying "Allahu Akbar". He then recited and bowed. When he raised up from bowing, he said, "Allah hears the one who praises Him." The Companions said, "Our Lord, to you belong all the praise!" Except that this man added,"0 Allah, have mercy on me and Muhammad, and no one else!"

The Prophet ~ heard him, and when the prayer finished, he turned around and asked who said those words. The Companions pointed out the man to him, so he asked him to come forward. When he came and sat in front of him, 10 and behold, it was the same Bedouin. The Prophet's love had entered into his heart so deeply that he wished that the Prophet and he be the recipients of Allah's mercy exclusively.

The Prophet ~ said to him, "You have narrowed what is vast!" Meaning that Allah's mercy was enormous enough to include them two and everyone else, so it should not have been restricted to the two of them only. Notice how the Prophet ~managed to capture his heart by knowing how to deal with him, for he was a Bedouin who had just come from the desert. He could not be expected to be as knowledgeable as Abu Bakr and 'Umar, or even Mu'adh' and 'Ammar, and hence he should not be treated like them either.

Let's look at the case of Mu'awiyah bin al-Hakm, - may Allah be pleased with him - who was just a regular Companion. He did not live in Madinah, or even accompany the Prophet PBUH often; rather, he had cattle in the desert to tend to. One day, Mu'awiyah entered Madinah and visited the mosque. He sat in the gathering of the Prophet ~ and his Companions as they were discussing the etiquettes of sneezing. One of the etiquettes the Prophet ~taught was that if one hears his brother sneeze and then praise Allah, he should say to him 'YarhamukAllah' (i.e., 'May Allah have mercy on you'). Mu'awiyah committed this to his memory and left. After a few days he returned to Madinah to fulfil a need and entered the mosque where the Prophet PBUH  was praying with his Companions, so he joined them. As they were praying, one of the Companions sneezed, and before he could say "al-Hamdulillah", Mu'awiyah remembered that he was supposed to respond, so he hurriedly said i in a loud voice, "YarhamukAllah!" The people who were praying became confused and began to look at him with disapproving looks. When he noticed the commotion he became confused and said, "Woe be to me! Why are you staring at me?!"

The Companions began to strike their hands on their thighs, insisting that he be silent, and he complied. When the prayer was over, the Prophet $ turned to the congregation. He had heard the commotion and the voice of the one who spoke, but the voice had belonged to a new, unfamiliar person. He asked, 'Who spoke?' and the people pointed at Mu'awiyah. The Prophet PBUH asked him to come forward and he did. He was terrified as he didn't know what would happen to him for interrupting the prayer and ruining people's concentration.

Mu'awiyah said, "May my mother and father be sacrificed for him! By Allah, I have never seen before him nor after him a leader who gave better instruction than he. I swear that he did not scold, beat or revile me, but simply said: 'Talking to people is not befitting during the prayer, for it consists of glorifying Allah, declaring his Greatness and recitation of the Qur'an. This is how brief his advice was:' Mu'waiyah understood the advice and when he felt more comfortable.

The Messenger of Allah PBUH dispatched a group of his Companions to al-Huraqat, a, sub-tribe of Juhaynah. Usamah bin Zayd was one of the warrior .The battle commenced in the morning the Muslims became victorious and the enemy fled. A man from amongst the pagans saw that his men were defeated, so he threw his weapons and fled. A man from the Ansar and Usamah began to chase him as he attempted to escape in terror, until he hid behind a tree. Usamah and the Ansari caught up with him and raised their swords to strike him. When he saw the two swords above his head about to come down on him, and realized that death was at his doorstep, he said, "There is no one worthy of worship but Allah and Muhammad is His Messenger!" Usamah and the Ansari were puzzled; did he accept Islam sincerely or did he simply say this to save his neck? They were in the middle of a battle and surrounded by bodies, blood and flesh, as the man looked on. They had to make a quick decision, for they could have been struck by an arrow anytime. There was no time to contemplate. While the Ansari withheld, Usamah thought that it was a trick, so he struck him with his sword and killed him. They returned to Madinah victorious. Usamah stood in front of the Prophet ~ and told him the entire story, including what happened to the man they killed. The story was that of Muslim victory, and the Prophet PBUH was rejoicing, that is, until Usamah said, "Then I killed him..." Suddenly, the Prophet's complexion changed and he said, "He said: La Ilaha Illallah and you killed him?!" Usamah said, "He did not say it intentionally! He only said it out of the fear of our weapons!" But the Prophet PBUH repeated his question, "Did he say, 'There is no god worthy of worship but Allah,' and then you killed him? Did you split open his heart to know for certain that he had only said it out of fear of your weapons?" The Prophet PBUH fixed his eyes on Usamah and kept repeating, "Did he say 'There is no god but Allah', and then you killed him! Did he say 'There is no god but Allah', and then you killed him?! How will you deal with his testimony, 'there is no god but Allah', on the Day of Resurrection?" Usamah said, "He continued to repeat himself until I wished I had only accepted Islam that day."

Good Manners

Good Manner

A Believer worships Allah by being well mannered and dealing pleasantly with all, so that Allah may love him and make him beloved to his creation. Whoever considers exercising good manners as worship will deal courteously with everyone, be the rich or poor, a manager or a tea boy.
If one day a poor cleaner on the street stretches out his hand for you to shake it, and another day a director of some company stretches his hand out in the same way, will you treat them equally?
Will you welcome them both and smile at them equally?
The Prophet (PBUH) will certainly treat them both equally in terms of welcoming them and showing them sincere conduct and compassion.
Who knows, perhaps the one you may belittle and look down upon might actually be better in Allah’s sight than he who you look up and show honor and respect.

Quran (68:4) “and you(Prophet- PBUH) are certainly on the most exalted standard of moral excellence.”
Here, this sentence gives two meanings: (1) "That you stand exalted to a high and noble character; that is why you are enduring all these hardships in your mission of guiding the people to the Right Way, otherwise a man of weak character could not have done so;" and (2) "that besides the Qur'an, your high and noble character also is a clear proof that the accusation of madness that the disbelievers bring against you is absolutely false, for high morals and madness cannot co-exist in one and the same person. " A madman is he whose balance of mind is upset, who has lost his temperamental equilibrium. Contrary to this, the high morals of a person testify that he is a right-minded and sound-natured person, who possesses perfect temperamental equilibrium. The people of Makkah were not unaware of the morals and character possessed by the Holy Messenger of AIIah. Therefore, it was enough just to make a reference to them so that every reasonable man of Makkah was made to think how shameless were those people who were calling a man of such sublime morals and character a madman. Their absurd conduct was not at all harmful for the Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) but for themselves, for maddened in their craze for opposition they were saying such a thing about him which could not be regarded as credible by any man of understanding. The same also is the case with those men of knowledge and scholarship, who in the modern time are accusing the Holy prophet (upon whom be peace) of having fits of madness and epilepsy. The Qur'an is available everywhere in the world and the Holy Prophet's life also exists in the written form in entire detail. Every person can see it for himself what a foolish and meaningless thing is being uttered in their blind enmity by those who regard the man who brought this unique and matchless Book and who possessed such sublime morals and character as a mentally deranged person. The best description of the Holy Prophet's character has been given by Hadrat 'A'ishah in her statement: Kana khuluqu-hul-Qur an: the Qur'an was his character." Imam Ahmad, Muslim, Abu Da'ud. Nasa'i, Ibn Majah, Darimi and Ibn Jarir have cited, with a little variation in wording, this saying with several chains of transmitters. This means that the Holy Prophet had not merely presented the teaching of the Qur'an before the world but also given its practical demonstration by his personal example. Whatever was enjoined in the Qur'an was acted upon practically by himself in the first instance; whatever was forbidden in it was shunned and avoided by himself most of all. His own self was characterized most of all by the moral qualities which were declared as sublime by it, and his own self was most free from those qualities which were declared as abhorrent and reprehensible by it. In another tradition Hadrat 'A'ishah has stated: "The Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) never hit a servant, never raised his hand on a woman never used his hand to kill a person outside the battlefield, never avenged himself on anyone for an injury caused unless someone violated a sanctity enjoined by AIlah and he avenged it for the sake of Allah. His practice was that whenever he had to choose between two things, he would choose the easier one unless it was a sin; and if it was a sin he would keep away from it most of all" (Musnad Ahmad). Hadrat Anas says: "I served the Holy Prophet (upon whom be peace) for ten years. He never did so much as express even a slight disgust over what I did or said: he never asked why I had done what I had done, and never inquired why I had not done what I had not done." (Bukhari, Muslim).

Quran (3:159) It was thanks to Allah's mercy that you were gentle to them. Had you been rough, hard-hearted, they would surely have scattered away from you. So pardon them, and pray for their forgiveness, and take counsel from them in matters of importance. And when you are resolved on a course of action places your trust in Allah; surely Allah loves those who put their trust (in Him).
(21:107) (O Muhammad!) We have sent you to be a real blessing for the people of the world.
This verse (107) can also be translated as: "We have sent you only as a blessing for the people of the world". In both cases it will mean that the appointment of the Holy Prophet is indeed a blessing and mercy of Allah to the whole world. This is because he aroused the neglectful world froth its heedlessness and gave it the knowledge of the criterion between truth and falsehood, and warned it very clearly of both the ways of salvation and. ruin. This fact has been stated here 'to tell the disbelievers of Makkah that they were quite wrong in their estimate of the Holy Prophet that he was an affliction and distress for them because they said, "This man has sown seeds of discard among our clans and separated near relatives from each other." They have been told here, "O foolish people, you are wrong to presume that he is an affliction for you; but he is in reality a blessing and mercy of Allah for you."

"Shall I not tell you who among you is the most beloved to me and will be closest to me on the Day of Resurrection?" He repeated it two or three times, and they said, 'Yes, O Messenger of Allah (p.b.u.h.).’ He said: "Those of you who are the best in attitude and character." (Reported by Ahmad and its Isnad is Jayyid) Some reports add: "Those who are down to earth and humble, who get along with others and with whom others feel comfortable."
One of the attributes of the believer is that he gets along with others and others feel comfortable with him. He likes people and they like him. If he is not like this, then he will not be able to convey the message or achieve anything of significance. Whoever is like that has no goodness in him, as in the Hadith:
"The believer gets along with people and they feel comfortable with him. There is no goodness in the one who does not get along with people and with whom they do not feel comfortable.” (Reported by Ahmad and al-Bazar; the men of Ahmad's Isnad are Rijal as-Sahih)
The Prophet (p.b.u.h.) set the highest example of good behaviour towards people. He was skilful in softening their hearts and called them to follow him in word and deed. He demonstrated how to reach people's hearts and win their love and admiration.
He was always cheerful and easy-going, never harsh. When he came to any gathering, he would sit wherever there was a free space, and he told others to do likewise. He treated everyone equally, so that no one who was present in a gathering would feel that anyone else was receiving preferential treatment. If anyone came to him and asked for something, he would give it to them, or at least respond with kind words. His good attitude extended to everyone and he was like a father to them. The people gathered around him were truly equal, distinguished only by their level of taqwa. They were humble, respecting their elders, showing compassion to young ones, giving priority to those in need and taking care of strangers.
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #271, Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi, Ahmad, and Ibn Hibban.
...Abu Darda' reported that the Prophet of Allah, upon him be peace, said, "Nothing is weightier on the Scale of Deeds than one's good manners."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners #286 and Ahmad
Abu Huraira, r.a., said, "I heard Abu al Qasim (the Prophet saaws), say, 'The best among you in Islam are those with the best manners, so long as they develop a sense of understanding.' "
Hadith - At-Tabaraanee collected it, and Albani authenticated it in Silsilatul-AHaadeethis-Saheehah (#432).
The Prophet (saaws) said: "The most beloved of Allah's servants to Allah are those with the best manners."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 285, Hakim, and Abu Dawud
... Abu Huraira, r.a., said that the Prophet of Allah, saaws, said, "If one has good manners, one may attain the same level of merit as those who spend their nights in prayer."
Hadith - Bukhari's Book of Manners # 290, Tirmidhi, Ibn Majah, and Ahmad
... Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet of Allah (saaws) said, "And what is most likely to send people to Paradise? Being conscious of Allah and good manners."