Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Why do we search for skills?

Once I visited a deprived town to deliver a lecture, after which there came to me a teacher from outside the town.

He said, "I hope you can help us with finance to some students"

I said, "Strange! Aren't the schools government funded, and therefore free?"

He said, "Indeed they are, but we would like to fund their universities education.”

I said, "Well, the universities are also government funded. They even offer student grants."

He said, “Allow me to explain to you..."

I said, "Go ahead.”

He said, "Our students graduate from their secondary school 
with no less than 99%. They are so clever that if their intelligence was divided amongst the ummah, it would suffice!

But when a student becomes determined to travel outside his town to study Medicine, Engineering, Islamic Law, Computer Science or anything else, his father prevents him from going, saying, 'What you know is sufficient! Now, stay with me and be a shepherd.’

I screamed unexpectedly, "Be a shepherd?!"

He said, "Yes, a shepherd!"

And indeed, the poor boy stays with his father and becomes a shepherd, while all his abilities are wasted. Years go by and he remains a shepherd. He may even get married and have children whom he may treat exactly as he was treated by his father. Hence, all his children also become shepherds!

I asked, "So what's the solution?"

He said, "The solution is to convince the father to employ someone as a shepherd for a few hundred riyals, which we will pay, and allow his son to take full advantage of his skills and abilities. Of course, we will also continue to fund his son until he graduates.'

The teacher then lowered his head and said, "lt is inexcusable that such skills and talents in people are wasted when they long to utilise them. "





I contemplated upon what he had said and realized that we cannot reach the pinnacle except by taking advantage of the abilities we have and acquiring those that we do not.

Yes, I would challenge anyone to find a successful person, be a successful in academia, preaching, lecturing, business, medicine, engineering, or influencing others; or be a successful in family life, such as a successful father with his children, or a successful wife with her husband; or be a successful in their social life, such as a person who is successful with his neighbours and colleagues and I mean a truly successful person, Not one, ‘Who simply climbs upon others' shoulders! I would challenge anyone to find me any such highly successful person who does not practise certain interpersonal skills through which he has been able to achieve such success, whether they realise it or not.

Some people may exercise such interpersonal skills instinctively, while others may have to learn them in order to be successful, and these latter people are the types of successful personalities whose lives we would like to study and whose methods we would closely seek to follow in order to discover how they were successful, and to find out whether or not we can take their route to success.
 
A while ago, I listened to an interview with one of the most affluent people in the world, ‘Shaykh Sulayman al Rajihi’ and found him to be a mountain in terms of his manners and thoughts. This man owns billions, possesses immense real estate, has built hundreds of mosques, and has sponsored thousands of orphans. He is hugely successful. He spoke of his humble beginnings around fifty years ago, when he was a regular person who would only have enough money to feed himself for the day, and sometimes not even that.

He mentioned that he would sometimes seen people's houses to feed himself and continue working at night at a shop or money exchange. He discussed how he was once at the bottom of the mountain, and how he continued to climbed until he reached the summit.

I thought about the abilities and skills he possesses and realised that many of us are well capable of being like him, if Allah grants us the ability. If one learns these skills, exercises them, perseveres and remains steadfast, then yes, he can surely be like him.

Another reason for us to search for these skills is that some of us may have certain abilities, which we remain unaware of, or which nobody has assisted us in discovering, such as the skills of delivering a lecture, business insight, or possessing general knowledge.

One may discover these skills on his own, through a teacher's or a work colleague's help, or even through a sincere brother, however few they may be! However, these skills may remain buried inside the person until his personality becomes as stale as anyone else's, and this is when we all lose out on another leader, lecturer or scholar, or perhaps a successful husband, or a caring father.
Here we will mention certain skills which we would like to remind you of if you already possess them, or which we would like to train you in if you don't.

So come along!


A thought: When you climb a mountain, look to the top and not to the rocks that Scroll round you. Make sure of where you step as you climb and do not leap in case you lose your footing.

Monday, May 16, 2016

What are we going to learn?

People generally tend to share their moments of happiness and sorrow. They are happy when they become wealthy. They will be joyous when promoted at work, content when they’re cover from illness, and cheerful when the world smiles at them and fulfills their dreams.

Likewise, they all grieve over illness, disgrace and loss of wealth. Knowing this to be the case, let us look for ways in which to make our joy everlasting and hence overpower our sorrows. Yes, in reality life tends to be both sweet and bitter, and on this we would not disagree, but why do we often focus on our ca­lamities and sorrows, and as a result become depressed for days on end? Where an hour is enough to grieve over something, 
hours on end are spent grieving.

Why?

I realise that sorrow and anguish enter our hearts without seeking permission, but for each door of sadness that opens there are a thousand means of shutting it, and these are what we will expound here.




Here we will learn how to be amazing.

Why was it that when your cousin spoke at the gathering, everyone listened to him attentively? Why were they amazed at his manners of speech? Why was it that when you spoke, they all turned away and began to talk amongst themselves? Why was that? You may be more well informed, better qualified and possess a higher status than him.  How then did he manage to get all the attention and you failed?

Why is it that one father is dearly loved by his children who love to greet him and accompany him wherever he goes, while another father begs his children to accompany him while they keep making all kinds of excuses to avoid doing so?

Are they not both fathers? Then why the difference?

Here we will learn how to enjoy life, know the various techniques to attract people, influence them, persevere with their faults, deal with people with bad manners, and much, much more. So, welcome! 

A word: 
Success is not to discover.  what others like, it is to acquire

and practice . the kills that help. one gain their love. 

Sunday, May 15, 2016

They did not benefit....

I remember once receiving a message on my mobile phone which read: “Dear Sheikh, what is the ruling on suicide?"

I called the sender to find a very youngman on the other end of the line. I said, "I am sorry, I didn't understand your question. Can you please repeat your question?"
He said with a grieving voice, "The question is clear. What is the ruling on suicide?"

I decided to surprise him by saying in response something unexpected, so I said, “It is recommended!"

He screamed, "What?!"

I said, "How about if we discuss the best way for you to do it?"

The young man fell silent. I said to him, "OK. Why do you want to commit suicide?"





He said, "Because, I can't find work. People do not love me. In fact, I am an utter failure....  and thus he began to relate to me his long story in order to prove that he had failed to develop his interpersonal skills and was unsuccessful in utilizing his talents. This is a problem with many people. Why do some of us feel inferior? Why do we look at those at the peak of the mountain while thinking of ourselves as unworthy of reaching that peak as they have, or even climbing it as they did?

The one frightened of climbing mountains forever lives in the ditches

Do you wish to know who will not benefit from this book, 
or any other similar book, for that matter?

It is the unfortunate one who surrenders to his own errors and becomes satisfied with his limited skills, and says, “This is my nature. I have become too used to it now; I cannot change my ways. Everyone knows this is how I am.  I can never speak like Khalid does, or have a cheerful countenance like Ahmad has, or be universally loved the way Ziyad is. That would be impossible." I once sat with a very old man in a public gathering. Most of those present were people with the usual skills and abilities. The old man was busy speaking to whoever was sitting next to him. He did not stand out in the crowd for any reason, except by virtue of his old age.

I delivered a lecture and during it mentioned a verdict given by the eminent Sheikh 'Abdul Aziz bin Baz. When I finished, the old man said to me with pride, "Sheikh Ibn Baz and I were colleagues.
We used to study together in a mosque under Shaykh Muhammad bin Ibrahim, about forty years ago:'

I turned around to look at him and noticed that he seemed very happy to share this information with me. He was delighted to have accompanied a successful man once in his life. I said to myself, "Poor man! Why did you not become as successful as Ibn Baz? If you knew the way to success, why did you not pursue it? Why is it that when Ibn Baz passes away, people cry for him from the pulpits, mihrabs, and institutes, and various nations grieve over the loss; yet, when your death comes, perhaps, nobody would shed a single tear, except out of kindness or custom!"

We all may say at some time or another; "We knew soandso and we sat with so and so: 'But this is nothing to be proud of. What one can be proud of is to scale the peak as they did. 
Be brave and from now on be determined to utilize all the abilities you possess. Be successful. Replace the frown on your face with a smile, depression with cheerfulness, miserliness with generosity,and anger with perseverance. Turn your calamities into occasions of joy and your faith into a weapon!'

Enjoy your life, for it is brief and there is no time in it for anguish. As for how to do this, then this is the reason for my writing this book. So bear with me until the end, with Allah's permission.


You will bear with us if you are brave enough to be determined and persistent on the development of your interpersonal skills, and if you are willing to take advantage of your abilities and talents.

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Do not interfere in matters that do not concern you

From the excellence of one's Islamic to leave that which does not concern him."

How beautiful is this expression, especially if you were to hear it from, the righteous and pure mouth of the Messenger of Allah. May Allah's peace and blessings be upon him! Yes, to leave that which does not concern him!

How many number of people who bother you by interfering a matters that do not concern them?  They bother you when they see your watch, "How much did you buy this for?"

You reply, "This was given to me as a gift" Then they would say, "A gift? From whom?"

You reply, "From a friend. "

He would continue, "Your friend from the university? Or your locality? Or elsewhere?"

You reply, "Well, a friend of mine from the university."

He keeps pressing, "Okay, but what was the occasion?"

You respond, "Well, an occasion, from our university days. "

He then says, "Yes, but what occasion in particular? Gradua­tion? Or when you went on a trip? Or something else?"

He would continue to ask you questions about an utterly worthless matter!

I ask you, by Allah, Wouldn't you feel like shouting at him, saying, "Do not interfere in that which does not concern you!'

And even worse is if he were to put you in an awkward situation by asking you an embarrassing question in public!

I remember, once I was in a gathering with a group of my friends. After the Maghrib prayer, one of my friends mobile phone rang. He was sitting next to me.

He answered the phone,"Yes?"

His wife shouted on the phone, "Hello! Where are you, you donkey?"

Her voice was so loud that I could hear their conversation well.

He said, "I am fine, May Allah protect you'

It seemed as though he had promised her to take her to her family, but became busy with us.

His wife became really angry and said, "May Allah not protect you! You are quite happy to be with your friends all the while I wait for you.
 

By Allah, You Are a Bull!"

He said, "May Allah be pleased with you. I will come to you after 'lshaa"

I realized that his speech did not exactly correspond to hers. There after I realized that he was speaking in this manner in order to save him self from embarrassment.




He then finished his call. I began to look at those present, thinking to myself that one of them will ask him, "Who was that on the phone? What does he want from you? Why did your face change after the conversation?" But Allah had mercy on him; No one interfered in a matter which did not concern them.


Likewise, If you were to visit a patient and ask him about his illness, and he were to reply vaguely, "Alhamdulillah, nothing ma­jor, just minor illness", and such expressions that do not explicitly answer the question, Do not embarrass him by persisting on asking detailed questions, such as, "I am sorry, but what exactly is the illness.

Please clarify what you said" and so on. Why the need to embarrass him?
From excellence of one's Islam is to leave that which does not concern him. I mean, are you really waiting for him to tell you, "I have hemorrhoids", or "I have an injury, in an embarrassing place", etc?

As long as he gave you a vague response, there is no need to ask him for details. I do not mean that he should not question the patient about his illness. What I mean is that one should not ask detailed questions about another illness.


Another example of this is a person who called out to a student in front of all the people in a public gathering, and asked in a loud voice, "Hey! Ahmad! Did you pass?"

Ahmad said, "Yes'

He asked, What percentage? What grade?"

If he truly cared for him, he would have asked him when he was alone. There was also no need to go into details by asking "What percentage? Why didn't you revise? Why weren't you accepted in the university?"

If he was really ready to help him, then he could have taken him to the side and spoken to him about whatever, he liked. But as for displaying his dirty laundry in public, then that certainly was not genuine!

The Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam said,"From the excellence of one's Islam is to leave that which does not concern him. "

"However, be careful. Do not make a matter larger than it is."

Once I was traveling to Madinah and was busy delivering a number of lectures. So I agreed with a kind young man to take my two sons, 'Abd ar Rahman and Ibrahim, after 'Asr, to their Qur'an memorization circles, or some summer amusement center, and to return with them after 'lsha.
'Abd ar Rahman was ten years old. I feared that that young man may ask him some useless questions, such as, "What is your mother's name? Where is your house? How many brothers do you have? How much pocket money does your father give you?'

So I warned 'Abd ar Rahman and said, "If he were to ask you an inappropriate question, just say to him that the Prophet Sal’lallah ho’wsalam said, 'From the excellence of one's Islamic to leave that which does not concern him. "'

I repeated to him the Hadith until he had memorised it.

'Abd ar Rahman and his brother then sat in the car with this young man. 'Abd ar Rahman was at the time both very tense and respectful.

The young man said out of kindness,"May Allah prolong your life, 0 'Abd ar Rahman!"

Abd ar Rahman replied, "May Allah prolong your life, too!"

The poor young man wanted to lighten up the atmosphere a bit, so he said, "Is the Shaykh delivering any lecture today?"

'Abd ar Rahman tried to remember the Hadith, but his memory did not help him, so he yelled, "Do not interfere in things that do not concern you!"

The young man said, "I mean, I would just like to attend his lecture and benefit."

'Abd ar Rahman then thought that he was trying to be clever, so he repeated the same response,'

"Do not interfere in things that do not concern you."

The young man then said, "I am sorry, Abd ar Rahman.  But what I mean is... ",

But 'Abd ar Rahman again shouted, "NO! Do not interfere in that which does not concern you!"

They remained on these terms until I returned.

Abd ar Rahman then informed me of the entire story with pride, so I laughed and had to explain the concept to him once again.

Struggling against yourself to free yourself from interfering in other ' affairs is exhausting in the beginning, but easy in the end.